Pregnant life

12/19/16  Week 31 day 1
     I am now starting to feel very pregnant. I can't wear anything but maternity pants and scrubs, and I feel uncomfortable at night. I really miss being able to hug Garrett, and laying flat on my back. Baby girl kicks what seems like most of the time now. It's a constant moving tap. Garrett and I have been disagreeing on names. I want May, and Garrett wants Isabelle.

1/1/17 0045 Week 33 day 2

     Christmas was good to us this year, although I think we both are a little worn out from it all. I decided to take a week off for a chance to go home, which we cancelled for weather. I picked up a shift, but then decided to enjoy the rest of my time off as the last week I will be able to do this without children. Most of the time I spent trying to organize the house and finish up projects, and Garrett and I spent some time together as just us. I had a dream that I went to Hawaii for a week and stayed in the hotel bored the whole time. On the last day I realized there was a beach outside that I forgot to go to. I feel like that dream was my secret fear of not using my last truly free days to their full potential. I'm determined to make these countdown days meaningful. I'm excited to finally become a mother too. I'm just really anxious about the adjustment. This new year will bring a lot of new things for us, and I think it will be a big one for us.

1/12/17 Week 34 day 6

   I think I'm starting to become a little senile spending all these days home alone after work. I find myself very comparable to my great grandma in the last months before she died. She had such severe osteoporosis that she broke her hip from just standing up. She had surgery, and had such bad psychosis from it and the pain killers that she hallucinated constantly. She was so weak that she was unable to move in bed very much let alone walk, and simply refused to do it when persuaded to try. There were times, however, that defied all reason. She would hallucinate when she was alone, and do impossible acts of superhuman strength that no one could explain. One time she hallucinated that Indians were attacking, and she managed to get out of bed alone, walk all around the room, and then most incredible of all, she moved large, heavy pieces of furniture around the room including a huge heavy dresser in front of the door. She refused to open it when my grandma and grandpa tried to get to her. She was in her own universe. This is me. I get all restless and confused when I walk home into a dark empty house. It started slowly with impulse buying plants and house decorations. Then I found myself staring at walls and bookshelves for hours, just trying to mentally visualize different things on them. Finally it reached a peak when I decided to move the SUPER heavy dinner table into the kitchen by myself- something Garrett hasn't done yet because we were waiting for someone to come help him. I drilled holes in the walls and then climbed up a ladder yesterday and carried my HUGE heavy picture frame up to the top rung, and hung it on the wall. It's like 60x38 inches large. I think these bursts of energy are nesting instincts.

1/17/17 Week 35 day 4

   I keep thinking there's no way I can possibly get bigger and more uncomfortable, and then I do. I stick out way farther than I had planned, and even my maternity scrubs are getting a little short. My ankles are swollen at the end of the day, even with compression stockings. My arms and face look like they've puffed up, and I don't think it's all water. I've been craving cheese and chocolate every day and I haven't really been sweating self control. Tomorrow is my first of the weekly OB appointments, and I find myself secretly hoping that something will be wrong that will make imminent delivery needed so Garrett will have to come home. I took my blood pressure today feeling hopeful but it was healthy. I might just have to come to terms with 3 more weeks of profound loneliness and boredom.